Question
Peace and the mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you.
Sheikh, a few days ago you spoke to me about performing istikhārah (guidance prayer) repeatedly. Recently, I spoke with a shaykhah (female teacher) who wrote a book on ruqyah (healing recitation) and related topics, as I was performing ruqyah on myself. I was feeling that there might be sihr (magic) or something similar affecting me. Last night, she also suggested that I perform istikhārah, but I am having trouble understanding it all. What felt like sihr to me, she suggested might actually be natural means unfolding that could lead to our engagement ending. I did not quite understand that perspective.
There were strange, terrifying dreams. I dreamt that something was grabbing me and I was struggling to break free. After that, my fiancé had similar dreams multiple times. Recently, he dreamt of a frightening, jinn-like man who was reciting something while holding him tight; he tried to break free, but the entity would not let go. I cannot tell whether these dreams mean that sihr is being performed against both of us, or if it is an indication from Allah that our engagement should end. This situation is causing me immense distress.
He also dreamt once about an aunt of his who had wanted him to marry her daughter. In the dream, he was standing in the kitchen, and her daughter was trying to get close to him while he kept pushing her away. Then the aunt arrived holding black pepper in her hands and began rubbing it onto his head. They are the kind of people who actually practice ta’wīdh (amulets) and sihr. To give you an idea: at our maternal grandmother’s house, they once tied an amulet to a tree, and within three or four days, the tree dried up and fell. They practice severe, harmful sihr. So I cannot figure out whether the obstacles we are facing are from Allah or if it is sihr.
When our engagement was initially taking place, I performed istikhārah and asked my mother to do so as well. At that time, both of our families were very happy, and the two of us were happy with each other. Even now, our families remain happy with one another. However, people around us did many things to prevent this relationship from happening. My father had given his consent back in May, saying he accepted the proposal.
They needed to set a date for the du’ā khayr (blessing ceremony), where the family gathers and the groom’s mother places a red shawl over the bride. Every time a date was set, issues arose. For instance, when the first date was chosen, my uncles created trouble, claiming that I was meant to marry their son and calling me their daughter-in-law—having made up some story in their own minds. After my father firmly shut down those claims and insisted on holding the ceremony for his daughter, they set another date. But right at that time, my nephew passed away, so the plans were halted.
Although our proposal was accepted in May, the du’ā khayr ceremony could only take place in December. When I shared this timeline with the shaykhah, she felt it might indicate that the istikhārah was not positive. Looking at it from that perspective, my younger sister also performed istikhārah when her engagement was fixed, as did my mother, and the match was settled. Yet her du’ā khayr event has not happened either; it keeps getting delayed, and perhaps it will finally happen now. But such functions are not required in shari’ah (Islamic law); the essential matter is simply the nikāh (marriage contract).
Furthermore, when my older sister was engaged, major issues arose to the point where it seemed the engagement would end. My mother asked her to perform istikhārah, which she did, and a few months later she got married. She is very happy with her husband today. Although they faced issues from her in-laws, her relationship with her husband is strong, and they are very happy together. So I find all of this confusing. The reason I suspected sihr was due to what happened when I started performing ruqyah. After reciting ruqyah, I experienced severe stomach pain and breathing difficulties; it became extremely hard for me to recite, to the point that I could not continue.
Additionally, on the night of our du’ā khayr function, something very strange happened to me. As I went to sleep, I felt as though a hand was trying to touch me, moving up from my feet along my legs. I sat up and turned on the lights. My niece was sleeping in the room with me, and nothing visible was there. I turned off the lights to sleep again, and the same sensation returned. This continued until the adhān of fajr (dawn calls to prayer). I remained sitting up and could not sleep. I prayed fajr (the dawn prayer) and recited my adhkār (supplications for remembrance) before I was finally able to sleep. Also, a month or two ago, during my menstrual cycles, I stopped reciting my adhkār. I usually never missed them, even during those days. But that time I left them out, and right after that, I fell severely ill. The health issues I am facing now started from that point. That is why I began performing ruqyah and consulted the shaykhah about it.
Basically Sheikh, what I want to ask is this: here, many people—even educated people, including the shaykhah I mentioned, who is the wife of a senior scholar—believe that if hurdles arise, it means the match is not right for you.
But this line of thinking cannot be correct, can it? Because obstacles would usually matter if my family were not agreeing or if his family were not agreeing. But both of our families are agreeable, everyone has said yes, and everything is aligned. As for the issues caused by outside people or the trials that come from Allah, we should not dwell on those too much, right?
Answer
Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
All of this goes back to what Allah said and what His Messenger, peace be upon him, said. When we return to that, the confusion leaves and the heart finds rest.
What Is Istikhara?
First, what is the guidance prayer that you call istikhara? It is not about seeing dreams or waiting for signs in your life. The companion Jabir ibn Abdullah said that the Prophet used to teach them the guidance prayer in all matters just like he taught them a chapter of the Quran.
“The Prophet used to teach us to seek guidance in all our matters just as he used to teach us a chapter from the Quran.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 1162
In that prayer you pray two units, then you ask Allah saying:
“O Allah if You know this matter is good for me in my religion and my life and my end, then make it easy for me and bless me in it, and if You know it is bad for me, then turn it away from me.
“O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my hereafter, then ordain it for me and make it easy, and if You know it is bad for me, then turn it away from me.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 6382
There is nothing in this teaching about dreams, or about looking for difficulties. After you pray it, you move forward with what seems good and you put your trust in Allah. Whatever Allah makes easy after that is what is good for you.
“And whoever puts his trust in Allah, then Allah will be sufficient for him.”
At-Talaq: 65:3
“If Allah helps you, none can overcome you.”
Ali Imran: 3:160
Signs & Omens
Second, the idea that if difficulties appear in a marriage proposal it means the guidance prayer was negative and the match is not right, this idea has no basis in the Quran and Sunnah. This is taking bad omens from events, which the Messenger called associating partners with Allah.
“Taking bad omens is associating partners with Allah, taking bad omens is associating partners with Allah.”
Sunan Abi Dawud: 3910
Allah told us that tests and hurdles are part of life for every believer, even for those He loves most. Your uncles making problems, the date being delayed, your nephew passing away, these are decrees from Allah, not a message that your marriage is bad.
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good news to the patient.”
Al-Baqarah: 2:155
“Do people think that they will be left to say we believe and they will not be tested?”
Al-Ankabut: 29:2
“Or did you think that you would enter Paradise while what came to those before you had not yet come to you? Hardship and pain touched them.”
Al-Baqarah: 2:214
“No calamity strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a Book before We bring it into being.”
Al-Hadid: 57:22
“No calamity befalls except by the permission of Allah.”
At-Taghabun: 64:11
“But perhaps you dislike a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you, and Allah knows while you do not know.”
Al-Baqarah: 2:216
Your own story proves this. Your older sister faced big problems until it looked like her engagement would end, she prayed for guidance, and a few months later she married and is very happy today. If hurdles meant the match was wrong, she would not be happy today. Hurdles mean you are being tested, not rejected.
Dreams
Third, dreams. The Messenger made it clear that dreams do not decide what is lawful and unlawful or whether you should marry. He said there are three kinds of dreams.
“Good righteous dream is from Allah, and the bad frightening dream is from Satan.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 6984
“Dreams are of three types: a good dream which is good news from Allah, a sad dream causing distress from Satan, and a dream from what a person talks to himself about.”
Sahih Muslim: 2263
And when a person sees a frightening dream that disturbs him, the Prophet taught us not to tell people and not to build decisions on it, but to spit lightly to the left three times and seek protection in Allah.
“If one of you sees a dream that he dislikes, let him spit to his left three times and seek refuge in Allah from Satan, and it will not harm him.”
Sahih Muslim: 2262
So your dream of something grabbing you and struggling, and your fiance’s dream of a frightening man holding him tightly, and his dream about his aunt rubbing black pepper on his head, these are from Satan to make you sad and afraid. They are not a proof that sihr is being done, and they are not a sign from Allah that you should end your engagement.
Sihr (Magic)
Fourth, black magic is real. Allah confirmed its existence, but He also told us its limits and its cure. He said there are people who learn magic by which they separate a man from his wife.
“But they do not harm anyone through it except by permission of Allah.”
Al-Baqarah: 2:102
“And from the evil of those who blow on knots.”
Al-Falaq: 113:4
“Indeed what you have brought is magic, Allah will surely make it useless, indeed Allah does not set right the work of those who do corruption.”
Yunus: 10:81-82
“And the magician will not succeed wherever he goes.”
Ta-Ha: 20:69
So even if that aunt practices ta’widh and sihr as you described, even tying amulets to a tree, her magic cannot touch you unless Allah allows it as a test, and even then, Allah is the one who will cancel it and the magician will never truly succeed against the one whom Allah protects.
The Importance of Daily Adhkār
Fifth, what happened to you during adhkār and that night until fajr, and your illness after leaving your adhkār. All of this shows why Allah gave us daily protection. The Prophet said Satan ties knots on the back of your head when you sleep.
“Satan ties three knots at the back of your head when you sleep. If you wake and remember Allah, a knot is untied, if you make ablution, a knot is untied, if you pray, all knots are untied.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 1142
And when a companion slept, Satan came to him, and the Prophet told advised him:
“When you go to your bed, recite the Verse of the Throne, for there will be a guard from Allah who will stay with you and Satan will not come near you until morning.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 2311
And the Prophet taught protection every morning and evening by reciting the last three surahs (chapters) of the Quran three times.
“Recite, ‘He is Allah, One’ and the last two chapters three times in the evening and morning, they will be enough for you against everything.”
Sunan Abi Dawud: 5082, Jami At-Tirmidhi: 3575
That night, when you:
- felt something touching you
- couldn’t sleep until the adhān of fajr
- slept only after you prayed fajr
- slept only after you said your adhkār
…that shows your adhkār work. The effect left at the time of fajr because Allah drives Satan away at that time. And when you left your adhkār during your monthly cycle, you fell ill soon after. This is because protection comes from dhikr, not from being spiritually/ritually pure or clean. Aisha said that the Messenger used to remember Allah in all conditions.
“The Messenger of Allah used to remember Allah in all of his conditions.”
Sahih Muslim: 373
A woman in her monthly cycle can and should continue saying, “Subhanallah (glory be to Allah), Alhamdulillah (all praise be to Allah), La ilaha ilAllah (there is no god but Allah), and her morning and evening supplications. What is not done is the formal prayer and fasting. The remembrances are always allowed, and leaving them off opens a door.
Quran is Healing
Sixth, reciting Quran for healing is allowed and is itself healing. Allah said:
“And We send down from the Quran that which is a healing and mercy for the believers.”
Al-Isra: 17:82
The Prophet said:
“There is no harm in healing recitation as long as it does not contain associating partners with Allah.”
Sahih Muslim: 2200
Even the Prophet himself was affected by magic and Allah healed him by the last two surahs of the Quran.
“The Prophet was affected by magic until Allah cured him, and he was cured by the two last chapters of protection.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 5765, Sahih Muslim: 2189
So if you feel stomach pain or tight breathing while reciting, do not stop. It is not proof that magic is definitely present, but it shows Satan is harmed by Quran and you should continue gently, and also seek medical help for physical health issues. Do not go to magicians or those who tie amulets, for that is from the path of wrong.
The Ease of Marriage in Islam
Seventh, in marriage the Quran and Sunnah look at religion and character. When both families are happy and both of you are pleased with each other and your religion, you should hasten the marriage contract, because the engagement is only a promise, not marriage, and those ceremonies you mentioned of blessings and putting a red shawl over the bride are customs, they are not required by Allah’s law. The Messenger said:
“If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and great corruption.”
Jami At-Tirmidhi: 1084
“A woman is married for four reasons, for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, so choose the religious one, you will be successful.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 5090, Sahih Muslim: 1466
Your proposal was accepted in May, families agreed, this is the foundation. Delays because of other people’s claims or deaths are not a judgment on your guidance prayer. Your younger sister also prayed and her ceremony is also delayed, as you said. That shows delay is normal.
Therefore your understanding at the end is correct in light of revelation. Difficulties from outside people or from Allah testing you are not a sign to cancel a proposal when the two families agree and the match is good in religion. You should not keep thinking about those hurdles. What you should do is keep your five daily prayers, especially fajr, stay in a state of wudu (ablution) when you can, say your morning and evening adhkār every day even during your monthly period, recite Ayat al-Kursi (the Verse of the Throne, Quran 2:255).
“Allah, there is no god except Him, the Ever-Living, the Sustainer…”
Al-Baqarah: 2:255
and recite the last three surahs every morning and evening and before sleep. Recite Surah Al-Baqarah in your house often, for:
“Do not turn your houses into graves, Satan flees from a house in which Chapter Al-Baqarah is recited.”
Sahih Muslim: 780
Continue ruqyah upon yourself with Al-Fatiha (the opening chapter of the Quran), Ayat al-Kursi, the last two verses of Al-Baqarah and the last three surahs.
“The last two verses of Al-Baqarah, whoever recites them at night they will be enough for him.”
Sahih al-Bukhari: 5009
Keep trust in Allah.
“Be mindful of Allah, Allah will protect you.”
Jami At-Tirmidhi: 2516
And after praying for guidance, hasten to the marriage contract and put your trust in Allah. Whatever Allah decrees for you, no magic and no people can remove, and whatever Allah removes from you, no one can bring to you.