Question
Many sisters have asked:
- What should I do if a man asks me why I am not praying during menses. Should I tell the truth, or should I lie out of Haya (shame/modesty)?
- Would the answer be different if it was a Mahram or Non-Mahram asking?
- Is it appropriate for men to ask our female relatives (sister, mother etc.) if they are on their menses (for example if a man usually wakes up his family for Fajr and wants to know if he should wake them up or not).
Answer
- You should not feel shy of speaking about issues which are related to your Deen. A’ishah said:
‘How good are the women of the Ansar! For they did not let shyness keep them from understanding their Deen properly.’
Narrated by Ibn Majah in As-Sunan 642; and it is Sahih.
So if a person from your household asks you this question, you should not let your shyness prevent you from responding to him/her, as this question is related to the affairs of your Deen. - If a non-mahram asks you this question, then you should not answer him, because he isn’t obliged to know this information, and this falls under the category of asking unnecessary questions. The Messenger of Allah said:
‘From the excellence of a person’s Islam is him leaving that which does not benefit him.’
Narrated by At-Tirmidhi in Al-Jami 2318; and it is Hasan.
And the Messenger of Allah said:
Allah disapproves for you irrelevant talk and persistent questioning.’
Narrated by Muslim in As-Sahih 1715a - Yes, it is appropriate for the men of the household to ask you if you are menstruating or not, in order to be certain that you have a valid excuse for not praying. Allah has given them this right, because they have a degree of responsibility over you, and they have been commanded by Allah to command you to pray, and Allah will question them on whether they fulfilled this responsibility or not. Allah said:
‘O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.’
Surah Al-Tahreem 66:6
And the Messenger of Allah said:
‘All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock … and a man is the shepherd of the people of his house, and he is responsible for his flock.’
Narrated by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 206; and it is Sahih.
And Allah said:
‘Enjoin your household to perform prayer and adhere to it firmly.’
Surah Ta-Ha 20:132
And the Messenger of Allah said:
‘There is no person whom Allah, may He be blessed and exalted puts in charge of others, whether they are few or many, except that Allah will ask him about that on the of Resurrection: Did he run affairs in accordance with the command of Allah or not? [The questioning will continue till] He will ask him about the members of his own household in particular.’
Narrated by Ahmad in Al-Musnad 4637; and it is Sahih.
And it is not necessary that you respond loudly with: ‘I am menstruating, hence I am not praying.’ In fact, we learn from the Sunnah that even a wife didn’t respond bluntly to her husband in this affair! She would either make her change in mood evident and say some words indicating to her being in a state of menses, or she would wear a specific dress when her menses started so that her husband knew that her time of menses had started. So if the women in the household wear a specific dress or express their mood changing so that the men in the household know that their menses have started, this would be an excellent solution to the question posed.
Umm Salamah said:
‘I was with the Messenger of Allah under his blanket, then I felt that I was menstruating as women do, so I slipped out from under the cover. The Messenger of Allah said: ‘What happened? Are you menstruating?’ I said: ‘I found in myself that which is found in other women (i.e. I’m menstruating).’ He said: ‘That is what Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam.’’
Narrated by Al-Darimi in Al-Musnad 1084; and it is Hasan.
And Umm Salamah said:
‘While I was lying down with the Messenger of Allah under a blanket, my menses arrived, so I slipped away and put on the clothes I used to wear when I was menstruating. The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Are you menstruating?’ I said: ‘Yes.’ Then he called me to lie down with him under the blanket.’
Narrated by Al-Bukhari in As-Sahih 298.