Question
I would like to ask about a matter related to our customs during the period of azaa (mourning). In our culture, during the three-day azaa period for a deceased person, people contribute money from their own pockets-not from the family of the deceased-to prepare food for the guests who come to visit the family. This continues for three days, providing food for the guests, and their intention is to offer it as charity for the deceased. Aside from that, my mother has been making desserts for the guests, like cake and donuts, and providing drinks. Is it permissible for me to help her with this or eat from it? She insists I’m misunderstanding, saying it’s only desserts, but I still help her out of fear that she will treat me badly or give me the silent treatment if I say no. Am i sinful for helping her?
Answer
Allah encouraged the Muslims to take food to the house of the deceased. Abdullah bin Ja’far narrated: ‘When the news of the death of Ja’far came, the Prophet said: ‘Prepare some food for the family of Ja’far, for indeed something has happened to them that will keep them busy.’ [Tirmidhi 998; Hasan]
And Allah deemed it dislikable for the family of the deceased preparing food for the consolers. Jarir bin Abdullah narrated: ‘We used to perceive that gathering with the family of the deceased and preparing food was a form of wailing.’ [Ibn Majah 1612; Sahih]
When a Companion says Kunna Naraa [We used to perceive], it means that he has elevated this to the Prophet. So this is a Marfu’ report.
The ruling derived from these two Hadiths is one of two types:
- If the guests burden the family with presenting food to them, then this is prohibited, and participating in it is prohibited due to the Hadith of Abdullah bin Ja’far.
- If the family of the deceased themselves decide to prepare food, perhaps to make that food a Sadaqah Jariyah for their deceased member, without being forced, pressured, or compelled to prepare food for the guests, then this is not prohibited. It is dislikable at best, but we hope that there is some goodness in this as well, and this is derived from the Hadith of Jarir bin Abdullah.
Hence, if the deceased is not from your household, then you should participate with your mother in this, as Allah encouraged it.
However, if the deceased is not from your household, then your mother isn’t commanding you to do something that Allah prohibited, so still participate with her in this, as long as the guests aren’t forcing your household, in which case it becomes wailing, and Allah prohibited all forms of wailing.
As for the guests bringing food as a means of Sadaqah Jariyah (continuous charity) for the deceased, then no evidence for this exists from the Qur’an and the Sunnah.